A History of Stuffed Animals

My first animal was a brown bear with yellow eyes. I think I got him as a baby, and I loved him and hugged him so much that now he is flat. He was the bear I needed when life was rough- if it was a scary night, or a sad night, he was the bear for me.

I once threw up on him inside of my purple Briarcrest book bag, on the bus on the way to school.  The gross part was that I think I must have stashed the bag in a corner of the classroom, barfy bear and all, until my Dad came to pick me up.  It is worth mentioning that the reason I barfed is that I was getting anxious about going to school, and would get myself so worked up I would refuse to ride the bus, or feel sick for the entire ride. My Mom got me stress workbooks to give me ideas for how to breath and relax, and I would sit on the porch holding a waffle in one hand, the book in the other, trying not to freak out.  In truth it was a new school, I did not like that it was different, and I wanted to go back to second grade because that was the best year of my life. (That might still be true.) Eventually we made a deal, that I would ride the hateful bus if my Dad would come get me.

In elementary school our goofy family dog chewed the brown bear's ear off (and ruined a few pairs of my pants and numerous socks.)  Side note: the dog's name was Dusty but Bubby's husband, Ben, would always call him the wrong name. He would sit on the couch and grumble, "Musty, rusty, lusty . . . come here." Then he would scratch the dogs curly red ears and look happy.

I also had a scary baby doll with eyes that rolled around and matted brown hair.  When Shelley was born I got a cabbage patch doll, which I thought was a good trade at the time. (I was 3.)

Whenever we would come home from trips, the FIRST thing I would do would be to rush to my room, line up all my animals (and one big raggedy ann doll) and tell them all about my trip and ask them how they were.  If you question this, there is photo proof.

Other animals I remember: a big green turtle, a monkey puppet with long legs and arms and a rubber mouth, an elephant wearing overalls, a pig, and a long purple caterpillar with lots of little legs, each of which had a colorful sneaker, too.

But my favorites were the bears and the dogs.

There was a white dog that Uncle Bill got me at Tree Top Toys in Edmonds, after we went and ate fish and chips and oysters and played with seaweed on the beach.

There were bears of all sizes, shapes, and colors.  A world of dogs and bears!

The first thing I ever remember buying was a stuffed animal.  It was a Turtle Tot- A little turtle with a soft shell that came on and off. I bought it at Fred Meyer with my allowance, and Mom, you are a saintly mother for sitting with me for the forty five minutes it probably took me to make a decision about what color Turtle Tot I wanted.  But my god, I remember how excited I felt as I carried my soft baby turtle out to the station wagon in my plastic Fred Meyer bag- it was in a pretty box, and it smelled so new, and it was all mine.  Buying things when you are grown up will rarely be as exciting as buying a Turtle Tot when you are seven.

My Dad was the stuffed animal aficionado in the family.  Raised in Brooklyn, his Dad worked in a pharmacy and used to bring him home little collectible bears, which Bubby sadly gave away once he moved out of the apartment to wander the pot glazed streets of San Francisco.

My Dad taught me that picking out stuffed animals takes time, and patience.  In our favorite toy store, Tree Top Toys, we would spend quality time at the wall of stuffed animals, studying the dogs and bears to make sure we found the little guys with the best, happiest faces.

The penultimate stuffed animal was the big panda that I longed for for years.  He was so beautiful, with a big buddha panda belly, wise dark eyes, and a soft leather nose.  His paws were brown, and he was the perfect size for hugging.  I finally got him, circuitously, when I fell off my bike in 6th grade and fractured both my wrists, chipped my front tooth halfway off, and got a big fat lip.  I think Bubby got him for me as a get well present- and when I chose him in the store I must have looked heart-warmingly pathetic- carrying him out to the car with my arms straight out because of the two casts, fat lip and all.

That panda bear came with me to college, and almost burned down our rental house when his ass got pressed up against a heater.  He still has a big brown streak like a shit stain on his panda bottom.

At christmas, my favorite present was always the softest one, and I would wait until the very end to open up the package that hopefully contained my new friend.

I was at Ikea about a month ago, and found myself in a flashback scene, holding up an elephant and a seal and trying to decide which one I liked more.  I think I even put my head on the them both, to test for comfort and pillow potential.

The point of the story is this: yesterday Steven asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and although I should have listed things like snow hats or a bottle of good whiskey, I found myself wanting to say the thing I should have probably grown out of by now.

God bless the bears and dogs, every one.

Also, if you wanted to know, each and every stuffed animal I described still lives at my parents house. (PLEASE don't send them all to Texas, I promise to take them one day when I have a bigger house!)

We all have our favorite things, and this happens to be mine.

Happy Holidays, y'all.